All About Salaries

Did you know that there are many different types of salaries?

I have experienced receiving almost all types of salaries listed below.

Which type do you associate yours with?

Onion Salary
You see it, you grab it…then you cry.

Diet Salary
Makes you eat less and less each time you have it.

Atheist Salary
You doubt its existence!

Magic Salary
You make a few moves and voila, it disappears!

Storm Salary
You don’t know when it’s coming and/or how long it’ll last

Black Humour Salary
You laugh so you don’t cry!

Conservative Salary
Takes your inspiration away!

Impotent Salary
When you need it the most, it fails you….

Menstrual Salary
Comes once a month and lasts about 3 days

Walt Disney Salary
It’s been frozen for 30 years!

Words Of Wisdom I Learned At Work

• Word of wisdom from an Internal Auditor: If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

• As an Internal Auditor, If you're not on somebody's shit list, you're not doing anything worthwhile.

• An Internal Auditor recommending system improvements: Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

• On trying a different approach that’s not in the audit checklist: You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

• The job of an Internal Auditor is not that difficult, it’s the people who we deal with who are.

• On dealing with Auditees: Life would be much simpler and things would get done much faster if it weren't for other people.

• A word to our Auditees: It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you should be.

• To some of our colleagues: When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.

• On presenting recommendations: In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

• To those who disagreed with us and lost: There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man

• On working papers: Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working.

• Finally: To err is human; to forgive is not Company Policy.

Pick-Up Lines to use on Accounting Chicks

You've got a lovely pair of W-2's.

Please, baby, let me withhold you.

Nice assets.

Lady, you make my pants file for an extension.

In my office, I.R.S. stands for I'm Really Sexy.

Let's fill out a 1040 - you are a 10 and I'm a 40.

If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next?

Technically, having sex with me is like a charitable gift.

You're entitled to a $5,000 tax break on your municipal bond income... now let's do it.

You're the kind of girl I could take home to mother - which is good, since I still live with her.

Text Messages From The Cubicle Prison

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

Fix the Box Instead of Thinking Outside Of It.

Their theory: 'No work, no pay'. My rule: 'No pay, no work'

Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday...

Write a 'to do' list so you can procrastinate more effectively.

If you don't like your job, you don't quit, you just go in every day and do it really half ass.

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.

In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.

Teamwork is what you call it when you trick other people into ignoring their priorities in favor of yours.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must; I do what I am paid to do.