SMS / Text Messages Collection: Assorted

I had a dream that i still loved u *~* I THINK I WOKE UP SCREAMING!!!!!!

There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.


YeH u'D bE PReTTy gOoDLOoKiN iF iT WaSnT FoR yOuR FaCe


im not a tease im just a reminder of what you cant have


-íMåGíNé Ur LíFé WíThØuT Mé- -¿Mí§éRåBLé HuH?-


If it were supposed to feel good they wouldn't call it a crush.


Don't go for looks, they deceive, don't go for money, wait, go for money then when its gone, move on to the next guy!

Honk if you love Me, then drive your car into the nearest tree!

friends dont let friends drink and take home ugly men/women

you say you're heaven sent... then that explains your face. mustve landed on it.

Rejected Hallmark Cards: Offensive

# I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.


# Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.


# I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.


# This feels good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.


# You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round ass!


# Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled...SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!


# Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown...but so's your ass!


# You're a honey....and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".


# I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!


# If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

Funny Text Messages: Insults

Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!

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We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

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U have to do 2 things early in the morning...
1st. pray to God so that u can live....
2nd.take a bath so that others can live....

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Someday u may lose ur hair,
u may lose ur teeth,ur money & even lose ur mind.
But 1 thng ul nvr lose is ur gud luks
coz u cant lose wat u dont have.

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If I was a painter,u wud b my painting
If I was an author,u wud b my story.
If I was a poet,u wud b my poem.
But unfortunately Im a psychiatrist.

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Wen sumbody who's deeply in luv wid u
tells u tat ur cute,beautiful & angelic,
I agree. Tats true, believe me, I swear
Coz love is definitely blind..!

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Who Wants 2 B A
£MILLIONAIRE£

Let's play?
Q.Nobody likes you because you are a:


A.Cunt
B.Wanker
C.Rsole
D.Twat



50/50



Phone a friend?


Ring me! I will tell you!

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You=lovely
You=perfect
You=beautiful
You=amazing
You=sweet
You=cute
You=genius
You=fantastic
You=fabulous
Me=liar

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Where r u? U r u not replying? I m worried coz todays paper I read that due 2 thunder a monkey has been severely injured. So if u r safe, SMS me immediately.

More Smart A$$ Quotes: Insults

Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing!

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

You are the kind of person that could be used as a blueprint to build an idiot.

You are such a smart-ass I bet you could sit on a carton of ice cream and tell what flavor it is.

If you were a body of water, you'd be a kiddie pool.

You're so fat, when you wear a yellow rain coat people scream ''taxi''.

We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven."