Headless Headlines: Wacky News

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


Joint Committee Investigates Marijuana Use


Prostitutes Appeal to Pope.


Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge


Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.


Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training.


Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies.


Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say.


Milk drinkers are turning to powder.

Governor (Knowles) wants more cash for kids

Quaker Oats to Cut Up 1,200 employees

Gators Face Seminoles with Peters out

Messiah Climaxes in chorus of Hallelujahs

Governor's Penis is Busy ("pen is")

Thanks to President Clinton, Sergeant Fruer Now Has Son

Clinton Places Dickey in Gore's Hands

Starr Aghast at First Lady Sex Position

Clinton Stiff on Withdrawal

Long Island Stiffens for Lili's Blow

Petroleum Jelly Keeps Idle Tools Rust-Free

Textron Inc. Makes Offer to Screw Company Stockholders

Married Priests in Catholic Church a Long Time Coming

Governor Chiles Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

Will She Climb to the Top of Mr. Everest Again?

Kake Looks to Sell Dogs for Pet Food

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There A Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

Stud Tires Out

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

Eye Drops Off Shelf

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

Miners Refuse to Work After Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide; One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited AFter 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in Ten Years

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

Drunken Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Deer Kill 17,000

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Air Head Fired

Steals Clock; Faces Time

Prosecutor Releases Probe Into Undersheriff

Old School Pillars Are Replaced By Alumni

Bank Drive-In Window Blocked by Board

Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot doctors

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Sex Education Delayed; Teachers Request Training

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
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