Rejected Hallmark Cards: Offensive

# I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.


# Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.


# I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.


# This feels good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.


# You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round ass!


# Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled...SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!


# Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown...but so's your ass!


# You're a honey....and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".


# I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!


# If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!